The Vacation From Hell
by Legal - Assasin 101
Summary: Jervis decides that he and Jonathan need a break from their life of crime. So what do you do? Go to Cuba, of course! Jonathan X Jervis Fluff
1. Chapter 1

_**The Vacation From Hell Chapter 1**_

_A/N: Hello everyone! I was really bored today (not to mention in a bad mood) So I decided to write a little fluffy humor to make myself feel better ^^ (BTW: Jonathan and Jervis _are_ together as a couple in this fic, just so you know) I promise I'll update Wasted breath and the final chapter of Nothing to fear (Gasp! Did I say that out loud? YES! Chapter fourteen is in fact the last chapter and I'm still debating over putting in an epilogue or not so keep your eyes out for it) Soon. Happy reading!!_

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own any of these characters…I just wish I did…_

"Oh god, how did you con me into this, Jervis?" Jonathan grumbled, dragging his suitcase behind him.

"Oh hush; you need this vacation as much as I do, so stop complaining."

Jonathan just grumbled under his breath and followed the smaller man into the Airport's terminal.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

"So… where are we going again?" Jonathan asked, gazing up at the flight information board.

"Cuba." Jervis replied, "I hear it's simply frabjoyous this time of the year!" Jonathan raised an eyebrow but kept his comments to himself.

"Wait… Why does it say 'delayed' beside our plane number?"

Jervis frowned.

"That must be a mistake." He said. "I'll go ask the gate attendant."

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

The gate attendant was a plump woman of about twenty five, too busy talking on her cell phone to even notice the two men walk up to the counter.

"Oh I _know_, Becky, I was like 'Hellooooo?" She shook her head, still oblivious to the men's presences.

"Um…Miss?" Jervis said. The attendant raised her index finger in the universal symbol of 'one minute'.

"Yeah…Yeah, Err…Not really…" She continued, "I know, but isn't he just sooo hot?"

Jonathan scowled,

"Stupid snot-nosed brat…" He mumbled, reaching for the tiny canister of fear toxin in the pocket of his jeans.

"Easy…" Jervis murmured, grabbing Jonathan's arm.

"Excuse me, I…" Jervis started. The young woman sighed loudly and rolled her eyes.

"Ugh. Sorry Becky, I gotta go." She closed the phone with a practiced flick of the wrist.

"What?" Her voice was void of any real human emotion; she didn't even fake a smile.

"Er…Yes… My friend and I were wondering when flight 1121 was going to arrive…" He said. The girl glanced over at the computer screen beside her.

"Flight's been delayed." She said. Both men frowned.

"Well, when's it going to get here?" Jonathan asked impatiently. The girl rolled her eyes again and pounded on a few keys on the computer's keyboard.

"Three hours." She replied, not bothering to add an 'I'm sorry you have to wait' or anything.

Grumbling, both men sat down in the terminals uncomfortable chairs.

"So…what do we do for the next three hours?" Jonathan asked, Jervis simply shrugged.

"Do you have anything to read?"

Jonathan smiled and opened his carry on bag, pulling out a very large stack of books. Jervis looked at each of the books titles and sighed.

_The psychology of fear, Fear and its power over the mind, Fear as a weapon, The different types of fear, Psychology weekly, Human phobias: How they control us, _ect.

Jervis sighed again.

"Is this really all you have with you?" He asked. Jonathan nodded, placing the books back into his bag.

"Well if you don't like my choice of reading material, why don't you just read what you brought?" He said. Jervis gave him a confused look.

"I brought something?" He said, looking through his bags. Jonathan sighed.

"It's under your hat."

Jervis furrowed his eyebrows, lifting his hat and grabbing the book hiding under it.

"Hm. So _that's_ where I've been keeping my copy of Alice…" He mumbled, hugging the book to his chest. Jonathan just sighed and looked over to his left.

Close by was a girl of about eight or nine, clinging to her mother's arm.

"Mommy," She whined, "I don't wanna go on the plane!!" She lowered her voice slightly, "I'm scared…"

Jonathan's face broke out into a sadistic grin.

"Oh, this'll be fun…" He mumbled to himself. Jervis looked up from his book.

"Hm?"

"Oh, nothing…Nothing at all…"

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

Three hours later, Jonathan and Jervis were getting ready to get on their plane.

Just because apparently God hates eight year old girls, the young child had to sit beside both men for the whole six hour flight. Her mother had been placed two rows down, far away enough that she couldn't hear their conversations.

"Hey, mister…" She said, poking Jonathan on the arm.

"What?" The girl shrunk back from the tone of his voice, but continued.

"C-could I sit by the window?" She asked.

"Oh, by all means." Jonathan said, "It's got a wonderful view of the engine, so if it was to ever spontaneously combust, you'd be the first to know." He then gave her a smile so sweet it almost gave her a stomach ache.

"W-w-what's 'combust' mean?" She said nervously, staring out of her window and at the engine.

"It means if it was to light on fire for no reason." Jervis said casually, placing his bags in the overhead compartment. The little girl paled slightly and glanced back and forth between the two of them, trying to decide if they were lying or not. They weren't.

"Oh but don't worry about spontaneous combustion." Jonathan said, "There are _so_ many more things to be afraid of than just that."

"Like the wings collapsing." Jervis said,

"Or a lightning bolt hitting." Said Jonathan, obviously enjoying tormenting the poor girl.

"Or Hijacking." Jervis continued, smiling.

"Oh yes," Jonathan agreed, "You really need to watch out for Hijackers."

The poor little girl now resembled a sheet. She slowly sank down into her seat, pulling the blinds down over the window.

Both men looked at each other, barely keeping in their laughter.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

About five and a half hours had elapsed since their plane took off, and both of the men were staring to get a little restless. The little girl had fallen asleep twenty minutes before so they had no one to frighten anymore. Jervis sighed.

"I'm bored." He said. Jonathan looked over at him; he had that look in his eyes that made Jervis shift uncomfortably in his seat.

"Well…" He said, his tone slightly huskier than normal, "I could think of a few things we could do…" As he said this, he trailed the tips of his fingers over Jervis' leg, making him shiver.

"W-we can't do _that!_" He whispered nervously, "There are people around us! T-there's a little girl sleeping a few inched away!"

"So?" He said, brushing his lips lightly over the smaller mans. "She's asleep, and so are the people around us…" He smirked against his lips, "What could happen?" Jervis blushed and cast his eyes down.

"Well…nothing…I suppose…" He said.

"That's more like it…" Jonathan said, capturing Jervis' lips.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

Jervis' eyes shot open. He looked around him. Jonathan, along with almost half the plane was staring at him.

"What?" He said, his voice slightly broken from sleep. Jonathan's cheeks tinged red slightly.

"You were…" He paused, "Err… you were talking in your sleep again…" He hid his face under his hair, trying to avoid the curious and slightly sickened looks of the other people.

"Really?" Jervis asked, rubbing his eyes. "What was I saying?"

Jonathan's face flushed.

"Things that shouldn't be repeated…" He paused again, looking for the right term. "…Outside the bedroom…"

Jervis' eyes widened.

"Oh. _Oh…_" He blushed, "How loud was I?"

"Half the plane heard you."

"Ah. Um…" He paused, looking over to his left. The young girl looked up at him with wide eyes.

"Erm… I'm terribly sorry you had to listen to that…" He mumbled, turning beet red. The little girl just smiled brightly.

"That's okay mister, I hear it almost every night from my parent's room."

"Oh _god…_" Jervis mumbled, running a hand through his hair.

"Cheer up." Jonathan said, "We're here."

Almost as if on a cue, the Pilot buzzed onto the intercom.

"Ladies and Gentlemen, we'll be landing in Cuba in about five minutes, please fasten your seatbelts."

Jervis sighed, burying himself in his book. Suddenly, the little girl looked over.

"Alice in Wonderland?" She asked, "Isn't that for kids?" Jonathan smirked, sensing a war in progress. Jervis' eye twitched slightly.

"What was that?"

"I said: isn't that for kids?" She said, stressing every word as if talking to a confused two year old. Jervis closed the book with a sigh.

"No." he said slowly, trying to control his temper. "It's a fine piece of literature that has no real age limit."

The little girl laughed.

"Well, I think it's for little kids." She paused, as if in deep thought. "It was a dumb book anyway."

Jervis laughed slowly, it was the laugh of a man who was just about to throttle a little girl half to death.

"Why you blastedgodforsakenlittlebrat!" He growled, lunging after her. Moments before he would have shattered her windpipe, Jonathan grasped his arm, pulling him back. His back collided with his chest and Jonathan leaned down towards Jervis' ear.

"Not in public." He whispered, causing shivers to run up the smaller man's spine. "Wait till she's alone, alright?" Jervis nodded feebly, glaring daggers at the little girl, who was now curled up into a ball in her seat.

"Well," Jonathan sighed. "This promises to be quite an interesting vacation…"

_A/N: This has to be one of the longest first chapters I've ever written for anything! I'm impressed! I really had fun with this one, and I hope you'll have as much fun reading it as I had writing it. Reviews are still wanted and needed. Thanks!!_


	2. Chapter 2

_**The Vacation From Hell Chapter 2**_

_A/N: Yaay, I got my first review today, thank you very much!!!_

**Disclaimer: **_I don't own any of these characters…I just wish I did…_

After another ten and a half minutes of degrading stares from the other people around them, both men successfully made it into Cuba's Airport terminal.

"Jonathan…" Jervis whispered, "The people are still staring at us…"

"Well, tell them to stop it then." Jonathan replied, looking for their bags on the revolving shelf in front of them.

They waited.

And waited.

And waited. After another fifteen minutes of waiting, they slowly figured out that one of their bags was missing.

"Jervis?" Jonathan asked slowly, "What exactly was in that bag?"

"Hmm…Clothes…Clothes…More clothes…My cards…Your toxi- He paused. "Oh shit."

"You don't think they…" Jonathan started, Jervis shook his head nervously.

"No…I'm sure that they just misplaced it…" He frowned. "Customs couldn't have…They wouldn't have…" He sighed. "Oh dear…"

"If customs didn't take it…I suppose that just they'd send it to our hotel once they found it, right?"

"Er…Yes, I suppose…"

"Then let's not worry ourselves over it, alright?" Jervis nodded.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

"Alright, I swear to god, if we get one more strange look in the next five minutes, I will see to it that every single person on this bus drowns in my toxin…" Jonathan grumbled, glaring right back at the young couple sitting beside them. The young woman shrunk back against her boyfriend's arms, averting her eyes.

"Relax Jonathan," Jervis said, "It was my fault anyway so don't be so mad at the other people." Jonathan sighed and slumped in his chair, defeated and tired.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

Another painfully slow five minutes later, their bus arrived at the hotel. The place was absolutely huge, with large twisting vines covering the front wall and sides of the building.

"Wow…" Jonathan said, "Where'd you get the money to pay for a room _here?_"

"Well, I went to my well paying, nine to five job and slowly saved up the money."

"Really?"

Jervis laughed,

"No! Don't be stupid Jonathan, I stole it of course!"

"Hmph. I should have known…" He said, laughing.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

The lobby of the Hotel was just as amazing as its front entrance way. The floors were polished marble, with large pillars running from the floor all the way to the vaulted ceiling.

The front desk was a dark shade of nut brown, and to the extreme surprise of both men, the person behind it actually had a _smile_ on her face!

"Hello gentlemen," The woman greeted cheerily, "How may I help you?"

Both men, stunned into silence for a brief moment, looked at each other.

"Oh yes," Jervis said, smiling back at the woman. "We've got a room reserved for us?"

"And which room are you two staying in?"

Jervis opened his mouth to reply, and then shut it, his eyebrows furrowing as he turned towards Jonathan.

"Jonathan…What's our room number?"

"I don't know!" Jonathan cried, "You wouldn't tell me one single thing about this vacation!"

Sighing, Jervis turned back towards the woman behind the desk.

"Erm… Please forgive me; I seem to have forgotten our room number…" The woman's smile never faltered.

"Oh, that's quite alright sir, what's your name? I'm sure we have you on our list of current registered guests."

Jervis paused, as if in thought.

"Jervis." He said slowly, "Jervis Sunderland." Jonathan looked at him curiously.

"I thought it was Tec-

He was interrupted by Jervis stepping on his foot. Hard. He winced inwardly. "Ow!! What?!" He said. Jervis gave him that look that said _just keep your mouth shut._

"Ah yes," The woman said, "We have you right here, Mr. Sunderland, your room number is 302. Would you like someone to help you with your bags?"

Jervis shook his head.

"No, thank you anyway though."

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

"Why'd you get such a big room?" Jonathan asked, looking around. "There _are_ only two of us, remember?" Jervis smiled.

"I know, but isn't the view outside just lovely?"

Jonathan walked out onto the room's balcony. He had to admit, it _did_ have a great view… You could see the Ocean perfectly, along with the sun setting slowly in the background, casting orange and pink shades over everything.

"Hm. Not bad." He said, not wanting to prove that Jervis was right about something for once.

He walked back into the room when he heard Jervis sigh loudly.

"What?" He asked, trying to figure out what could possibly be wrong.

"There's no Tea here." He said, frowning. Jonathan laughed quietly.

"You're pouting because of _that?_ Why don't you just go downstairs and ask for some?" He said, "There _is_ a café down in the lobby you know…"

Jervis' face lit up almost immediately.

"Can we go now, Jonathan? Please?" He said, already on his way out of the door.

Jonathan sighed, gently placing his bag onto the bed. It was at that moment that he noticed that the room only had one bed, a couch, and a few chairs.

_Oh dear…_ He sighed; _Then again, I suppose I can always make him sleep on the couch if the circumstances call for it…_

He laughed slightly at the mental image and walked out the door, shutting it gently behind him.

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

The café was a small, cozy place, with bookshelves lining the walls. Jonathan took a liking to it almost immediately. Jervis however, didn't.

"Excuse me sir," He said, leaning against the bar's counter. "I'd like a cup of tea, please." The man behind the counter just frowned.

"Sorry, we don't have any tea. We just ran out. We might have some next week though, if you'd like to come back then…" Jervis frowned.

"But…But…" He sounded like a child that had his favorite toy taken away by a strict parent.

Jonathan tugged on Jervis' sleeve gently.

"Come on, tomorrow we can go looking for some at a local shop or something…" He said, knowing very well that the chances of them finding anything were slim to none. Jervis nodded, sighing.

_A/N: I'm still having lots of fun writing this and I hope that you guys are still having fun reading it. Also, if anyone can catch the little references to a certain game, it would make me very happy. ^^ Anyway, reviews are still wanted and needed greatly. Thanks!!_


	3. Chapter 3

_**The Vacation From Hell Chapter 3**_

_A/N: Oddly enough, this whole thing is dedicated to my mother, who gave me the dreadfully evil idea that you guys will read later on in this chapter. Thanks mom ^^_

**Disclaimer:**_ I don't own any of these characters…I just wish I did…_

"You know what I just realized…?" Jervis said, "We don't know any Spanish…"

"Hmm. You're right." Jonathan replied, just realizing that himself. Jervis sighed.

"Do you at least know how to ask for Tea in Spanish?"

"No."

"Hmph. didn't think so…"

Both men found themselves standing outside a quaint little shop that Jonathan figured was their best bet at finding what they needed. As they walked in, Jonathan felt for a moment that they had wandered into an oversized cigar box. The overwhelming smell of old wood and fine cigars filled the air around them.

Jervis approached the shop's counter nervously.

"Um… Excuse me sir, I-

"Un momento, señor." The man behind the counter said. Both men looked at each other.

"Do you know what he just said?" Jervis asked, Jonathan shrugged.

"I think he's telling us to wait…"

"Oh…Are you sure…?"

"No…"

The two waited in silence for a few minutes before Jonathan decided that it was a waste of time.

"I think we should go" He said, "I think staying here would just lead to degrading embarrassment on both our parts, considering that we don't speak his language." Jervis nodded in agreement.

"So, we're _not_ getting tea today?" Jervis asked sadly, Jonathan shook his head.

"Don't worry. We'll find some."

"Well, what do you want to do till we find some?" Jonathan shrugged.

"I'm not sure; perhaps we should spend a few hours at the beach?" Jervis beamed up at the taller man.

"Oh Jonathan, what a wonderful idea!"

Jonathan sighed, what had he just gotten himself into?

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

Back at the hotel, Jonathan was staring perplexedly at a pair of black swim shorts.

"Do I have to wear them?" He asked over his shoulder, Jervis laughed quietly.

"Of course you do! Don't be silly."

"Do I _really_ have to?" Jonathan asked, sounding like a whining child.

"Yes. Now stop complaining and get ready."

Narrowing his eyes in Jervis' general direction, Jonathan walked off towards the bathroom to change.

"What?" Jervis called back towards him, "You're changing in the bathroom?"

"Yes. Unlike you, I still have some decency." Jonathan said, glaring.

"Oh come now, Jonathan," Jervis said, "Lighten up."

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

"Hmph. People are still staring at me, Jervis." Jonathan grumbled. Jervis smiled.

"What happened to 'then tell them to stop'?" He asked, Jonathan crossed his arms over his bare chest and sighed, glaring back at anyone that dared to even glance at him.

"Can we go now?" Jonathan asked, Jervis sighed, glancing down at his watch.

"Well I suppose it's already been three hours." He said, Jonathan sprang up out of his chair.

"Great! Let's go. _Now_."

X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.x.X.

Back at the hotel room, Jonathan was again looking perplexed.

"Jervis…" He said slowly, "Where are all my clothes?"

"W-what do you mean?"

"My clothes." He stated, "Why are they not here?"

"Oh. That's simple," Jervis explained, "You see, before we left for the beach, I put your clothes out for laundry service."

"Then why aren't they back here yet?"

"I'm not sure…It should have been done by now…"

Both men exchanged worried glances.

"…You should go call the front desk…"

"Hrmmm….Good idea…" Jervis said nervously, picking up the room's phone.

"Front desk, how may I help you?" A cheery voice rang from the phone's receiver.

"Uh yes, earlier today I put out all of my friends clothes for laundry and we've yet to get them back…"

"Oh!" The voice over the phone said, "Well, did you place the clothes in the actual laundry bag?" Jervis looked puzzled.

"I…Um…What?"

"The laundry bag." The voice said, ever patient. "It's in your closet." Jervis paused.

"I'll…Get back to you…" He said rapidly, slamming the phone back onto its cradle.

"I don't know what she's talking about…" He said, throwing open the closet door. "There's no…" He trailed off, pulling out a semi-transparent bag with the words: **LAUNDRY **printed neatly in large red letters.

"Oh dear…"

"Jervis…" Jonathan ground out through clenched teeth, "What did you put my clothes in, then?"

"W-well, I-I didn't know that it had to be in that…" He trailed off, hiding his eyes under his bangs.

"What did you put my clothes in?" Jonathan repeated, it was times like this that Jervis understood why he was know as the 'master of fear'; he was honestly very frightening when he was angry.

"Hn. I-I…Um…Oh dear…" Jervis stuttered, Jonathan rolled his eyes.

"Just spit it out already!"

"I think I put it in a garbage bag!!" He said, the words coming out as a jumbled mess that took Jonathan a few minutes to decipher.

"You…What?!" Jonathan cried, running a hand through his hair.

"I'm sorry!!!"

Scowling, Jonathan picked up the phone, dialing the front desk.

"Front desk, how may I-

"Good for you." Jonathan interrupted. "What do you do with your garbage?"

"I beg your pardon sir?"

"Your garbage." He said slowly, as if talking to a very slow child. "What do you do with it?"

"Er…Well if you honestly need to know, we hold it all until Friday, then we incinerate all of it in an large oven in the back of the hotel."

"What day is it today?"

"Friday."

"_Oh god…_" Jonathan groaned, resisting the urge to hit his head against the wall repeatedly.

"I'm sorry sir," The phone said, "Is there anyt-

Before she could finish, Jonathan hung up.

For a very long minute, the room was silent. It was the type of silence that people often see in horror movies right before someone dies. Horribly.

"I'm sorry…" Jervis said weakly, hanging his head. Jonathan remained silent.

Without speaking, Jonathan raised his arm, pointing towards the rooms couch. Jervis took the hint. Sighing dejectedly, he laid down, staring up at the ceiling.

"Could I please just sleep with y-

"No."

"Look, I said I was-

"No."

Crossing his arms over his chest, Jervis sighed. Meanwhile, Jonathan smiled to himself.

_I knew that couch would come in handy eventually…_

_A/N: Sorry about the long wait, I had ridiculous amounts of homework to do today . Reviews are still wanted and needed, THANKS!!!_


End file.
